The crowd within the fellowship hall at Graves Memorial Presbyterian Church fell silent as Azucena Delgado told a story that began with teenage love, marriage and children, and devolved into isolation, manipulation, threats and a violent end that saw her shot three times.
Delgado was able to survive her shooter, her estranged husband, and now makes it her mission to share her story of domestic violence so that others can know they are not alone. She urged anyone in an abusive relationship to seek help, and an escape. It can be tough, but it’s not impossible.
“Love doesn’t hurt,” said Delgado, speaking to those in attendance at U Care’s annual Domestic Violence Vigil, held Monday at the church in Clinton.
When you are in a relationship, especially one in which you are young, isolated from your family, and threatened on a daily basis, the fear is overwhelming, she said.
“You’re really scared, and think there is no hope,” Delgado remarked.
Delgado was ultimately shot three times by her estranged husband after he threatened to kill her. She said she was dead for 20 minutes. As she sat in the hospital, she was hooked to various tubes, grasping for air because she couldn’t breathe. She thought about her children, the ones she was trying to pick up from her estranged husband when he turned a gun on her.
“He has my kids,” she thought.
She was transported to UNC Hospitals in Chapel Hill, where she woke up again with tubes in her body.
“Whenever someone tries to take your life, it’s something I can’t explain,” she said. “You feel so hurt, and so afraid. But, you know what, God is good. The next day I was able to breathe on my own.”
She was out of the hospital five days later, motivated by the thought of her children. She started breathing on her own, even when it hurt. She was able to get her children back. U Care helped her overcome by providing assistance to Delgado, who received a nursing degree and recently became an U.S. citizen.
Another domestic violence survivor, Ellen Denise Jacobs, was shot in the head in 2007 by her fiancé and was able to live to tell her story.
“It was hard,” said Jacobs. “I never thought it would happen to me. I thought I was with someone who would never hurt me, but he did.”
Like Delgado, she implored anyone and everyone who needs assistance to come forward. She couldn’t have done it without support from family, friends and others.
“By the grace of God, he kept me here and he kept me here for a reason,” said Jacobs. “He kept me here for my boys, and he kept me here to tell my testimony. If there is anybody in here tonight (suffering from abuse) — ladies, guys, let somebody know. Don’t keep it inside.”
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and U Care officials hold the vigil, along with other activities, each year to raise awareness on an issue that is not going away. The month-long observance came from the Day of Unity, held in October of 1981. It later developed by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence in 1987. A few years later, the U.S. Congress passed a law designating October as the month for the observance.
U Care is the only comprehensive Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Program in Sampson County, and has been in operation for 25 years. Along with a 24-hour emergency shelter, Some of the other services include legal advocacy, victim outreach, and child advocacy.
“I was told in 1995 there was no domestic violence and we really didn’t need to be here,” said U Care director Pam Gonzalez. “It’s because of you and people in the community that we are here and able to do what we do. We, as a community, have to show (abusers) we will not tolerate domestic violence and the abuse on our families.”
She said the cycle has to stop and it won’t if nothing is done.
“If we don’t make a stand now,” said Gonzalez, “our children who see this abuse are going to be victims themselves, or abusers.”
Gonzalez said it is difficult to leave, and U Care staff knows that. Gonzalez, a domestic violence survivor herself who professed to leaving an abusive relationship 13 times in 16 years, knows it all too well. She and her staff work with victims, many of them multiple times. It’s about being there to comfort and assist, to advocate for need a voice, a shoulder, a place.
“Even though we may not make a difference today, we will,” she said. “Each time they come to the shelter, they get a little bit stronger.”
Rev. Marcus Becton, mayor pro tem of Clinton, thanked U Care for what they do to help domestic violence.
“This demon, this issue, this problem is affecting so many people and so many lives at an alarming rate,” said Becton. “Thank you U Care for all you do.”
Dr. Bill Starling, president of Sampson Community College, echoed those sentiments.
“We need U Care,” said Starling. “Our students need access to your resources, which are unique in our community. They need access to your training and your sense of empowerment, when you work with them. And what they need, more often than not, is just your heart.”
Starling said he would like to say that U Care wouldn’t be needed in the future, that the cycle of abuse being seen in today’s society was “a passing social problem, and that we’re going to get well as we do with a lot of maladies in life.”
The college president said he would like to say that he was speaking at what might be the last vigil.
“But I can’t tell you that because it’s not true,” said Starling. “Sadly, I believe, this is for the most part a permanent state of affairs in our life. But thank goodness, we have people here that are ready to speak, ready to comfort and ready to provide shelter. You are letting our community know that you remain in the watchtower. On behalf of our trustees, our staff and faculty and the students at Sampson Community College, thank you for keeping this watch.”
Also at the vigil, Sampson County Sheriff’s Capt. Eric Pope talked of the strides over the years made by the Sheriff’s Office and its domestic violence officers, led by Wayne Dienhart, “but domestic violence is just one little piece of the entire cycle of violence we are dealing with today,” he said.
“We have a society that has become desensitized to violence. It has become commonplace and we even have a certain portion of our population that celebrates violence.”
He said it was not a “law enforcement problem; it was a societal problem.”
“As a society, we have to set the tone,” Pope remarked, pointing to violent recidivist who are arrested and back on the streets over and over again. “The courts will only react when you, as a community, respond and say ‘we want tougher sanctions. We want folks who are engaged in violent activity to be held accountable for their actions. General accountability is a thing of the past. We need your help. Raise your voice and ask for accountability.”
For Delgado, therapy didn’t help, but sharing her testimony and being of service to others did.
The shooting happened 11 years ago, but the memory of it hasn’t faded. It’s just as fresh as it was then, and Delgado uses her story to help others find a way out.
“It was terrible, but I’m thankful that I’m alive and I’m thankful I’m a survivor,” said Delgado. “We’re doing this in memory of the ones who didn’t make it. I feel very honored to be here and to tell you my story, and tell you I’m not one of them. I’m still here.”
